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Approval Not Required

Shane Koyczan has delivered a powerful, articulate video that will not fail to touch you, I promise. More than that, it will probably shift your perspective at least a little bit, give it a nudge in the direction of compassion, strength, resiliency. It may help you to reclaim a power you thought you’d lost or never knew you had. Or it might help you to see the power in someone else that you hadn’t recognized before.
That’s a lot to promise in 7 minutes and 37 seconds, but give it a watch, then come back and let’s talk.


I don’t know about you personally, but I suspect there’s a bully lurking under somewhere under the skin of most of us. Since we are civilized to one degree or another, we keep it under wraps where we think it can do no harm in the outside world. But we’re wrong about that.

Just as a child who finds herself mocked and ridiculed in the classroom is unlikely to contribute, we too, when life calls on us, are often afraid to answer. Not because we don’t understand the question or have nothing to offer, but because the bully inside us, we already know, is going to have a field day the moment we raise our hands. The instant a response begins to form, even before we shuffle our feet, the spitwads begin to fly.

And they come from inside us.

It is better, safer, wiser to shut down. The smart thing to do with an idea, an insight or opinion, a solution to a problem, an answer we know is beyond correct because it is simply, deeply, fundamentally right, is not to call attention to it.

This internal bullying goes by a lot of names, most of them overly respectful. But a bully is NOT a filter, an editor, a critic, a second thought or an inhibition. It’s just another frightened kid that I carry around inside me, wanting approval where none, after all, was ever required.

My Drum, My Beat, My Reality

My Drum, My Beat, My Reality


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